It's Been One Year

Yesterday we put our Christmas tree!

 I was so excited! I can't wait to give gifts later this month:) What a wonderful month!

The truth being, however, December last year was extremely hard for my whole family.

This is what started me thinking about it all. Isaac's little foot print.
About this time last year Megan Dillworth, Natasha Robbenalt, and I got together with our sweet little ones to do Christmas ornaments. We made impressions with little fingers and little toes in the white clay to form lasting memories.

It just so happens that on this day while I was at Sister Dillworth's I got a phone call from Dr. Hoggard. I didn't want to answer, but I did. I had to. I assumed it was the news I was waiting for after four weeks.
I don't remember exactly what he said, but I got it and I wanted to hang up immediately. He gave "condolences" in a way.
"Your son has Fragile X Syndrome."
That's not what I wanted to hear! I wanted to hear, "Congratulations! You have another healthy, normal baby!"

That was the day our lives changed forever.

I felt ridiculous crying (heaving sobs) when Megan and Natasha had no idea what was going on. I tried to buck up and be happy, at least for a short while. I was happy when it was time to go. I wasn't going to open up about that can of worms just yet. I was too devastated to speak.

But then I had to call all of my family members. I had to tell them what everyone feared, what Rachael already knew. I was embarrassed, heart broken, afraid, and so much more.

I'll never forget in despair that I almost thought the atonement could not reach me down there. But Jeremy reminded me that he is still our son. Nothing changed from before we knew Isaac had FXS to after we knew he did. "He is still our son. Nothing has changed."

He was right. And now we don't think about what it was like before because it is all meshed into what is now. Thinking back, I know God prepared me in hundreds of ways for this. Others are not as lucky as me to have a pioneer like my sister to do the hardest work. But it is still hard.

But at this time as my family remembers the day we found out another in our family has FXS, that my brother had his precious still-born son, and when dear Grandma Ruby, my last grandparent, passed away, it is also a time to remember all the tender mercies and love. And I remember, that, as Elder Holland has stated, that you are never so low, so deep, that the light of the atonement cannot shine down upon you.

I'm thankful for my Heavenly Father, Savior, Family, and friends that help me through the hard times and help me realize that life is so wonderful and I am deeply blessed.

Merry Christmas!