Seven Reasons Why I Have Children

I know there are many out there that wonder why I ever had children at all, knowing that I am a carrier of Fragile X Syndrome.

Well, there's lots of reasons. So, in no particular order, here you go:

1) I wanted to. 

And my husband agreed:) It's as simple as that. I would say that many, if not most, women have a natural desire in them to bare their own children.

2) I believe we have been commanded to "multiply and replenish the earth," as the Bible says. And I want to obey the commandments of God.


3) I can. 
There are many women unable to bare children of their own. This can be terribly heartbreaking. These women may feel broken. I empathize with them.

After my first two children, I felt that even though I could have more children I shouldn't because it could have Fragile X and it was just too hard, it might be a burden on society, etc.
I saw friends around me pregnant and felt that it should be me, but also felt it just couldn't be. I, too, felt broken and wondered if I should adopt or do InVetro, etc.
4) I honestly didn't know what I was getting into.
I had no idea how my life would change forever by having a child with special needs.

I've been around children with special needs throughout my life and yet it just didn't click. You just don't fully grasp and understand it until you live with it day to day and it's your responsibility. Now, having said that, even after having Isaac, who has FXS, we still chose to have another child naturally.

So...maybe some un-numbered reason is that I'm slightly crazy, but let's not go there;)


5) I had a hope.
I was in la la land and did not think it would ever happen to me. My first child was perfect as can be. So smart and a head of the game. She wasn't even a carrier. It was a miracle. So, I thought maybe we just wouldn't have any children with FXS and so we tried again.

6) I felt it was right.
I believe in personal revelation, in the gift of the Holy Ghost, and in a Heavenly Father who loves and cares about his children


7) I want to help God's children and bring up His Kingdom on Earth.
So many children are born to less than ideal situations, circumstances, or families. And although I know that I am far from perfect, I do know that I can offer these sweet spirits two things:

*The Gospel of Jesus Christ

* Unconditional love

Yes, it's true, I may not be able to afford to have each of my kids in three different extracurricular activities. My children aren't child prodigies in music, math, or art. But guess what? They know they are loved and they are growing up in a home that (I hope) has the spirit and the true teachings of Jesus Christ taught and lived each day.

Service Dog Training

It's official! Roxy is now in service dog training.

Thanks to everyone who helped support us!

It was hard letting her go to her training, because she will be gone for about two months. W
e get to see her on a few of the weekends, though.
I hope she is happy.
I hope she is doing well and feeling loved. And I hope she knows that we didn't just abandon her!

I am really looking forward to seeing her progress. I hope that it all turns out well. There's still hard work and training a head, but I feel like we've taken the huge leap! This has been a crazy adventure and definitely a learning curve for me.

This is all for you, little Buddy!

Supported Living Staff: Mr. B

Well, it finally happened, folks.

Isaac has been on DSPD for awhile now and we have all benefited greatly from this!

One being supported living staff. Right now we only have one person working for us.

That's Mr. B.

He is a pre-med student at BYU and was married just over a year ago. Since working with Isaac, he has decided to go into pediatrics, specifically for special needs children. He will be with us a few more years before graduating, but I don't even want to think about when he has to leave us.

He has been an angel!

He helps take care of Isaac, even giving him baths, clipping his nails, and helping me cut his hair. He takes him to the park and splash pad. They go for walks and jump on the tramp. This helps me in so many ways.

I can spend time with my girls, do things I enjoy, clean places that haven't been cleaned in forever, run errands, etc. He even helps clean up. I love how much Isaac enjoys Mr. B coming over. He's never thrown a tantrum or cried when he sees Mr. B. He's always liked him and that is SO key.

I am grateful in so many ways! It's a Miracle!

He even helped us dig trenches for our sprinkler system:)

Persistence + Failure = Success

"Persistence + Failure = Success"

My finance teacher wrote this and I like it!

Thoughts

General Conference has been amazing! As usual. Elder Holland's talk was especially touching. I really liked when he said, "We are more than our afflictions." I couldn't help but think that Isaac is more than Fragile X Syndrome. I am more than a carrier of Fragile X Syndrome. This does not define who we are. And although it may define in some ways the capabilities, struggles, etc. we can overcome much.
It also made me think that I and those dear to me are more than their trials, circumstances, or afflictions

Panic at the Partay!

My good friend, who helped us get our first house, threw a huge party up the canyon with her real estate buddies.

It was so awesome!
Everything was free and all the food was all you can eat.There were hot dogs, snow cones, and cotton candy!

There was a legit magic show, blow up toys/slides, huge blow up balls you could get inside and run around, face painting, and balloon animals.

It was great.

We wanted to go as a family, of course, but I know public events such as this can be hard with/for Isaac. I thought he'd have some fun, though. So we brought Mr. B, our new staff for Isaac, and his wife.

It started off fine. We got hot dogs (Isaac won't eat those), then balloon animals (Isaac through his down), and then snow cones (he won't eat those either because he still eats with his hands).

I know, we're doin' great, right?....
But hey, we are there as a family and we're going to have fun!;)

Then we decide to go to the magic show. We take Isaac out of his wheelchair and hike up to the top of the amphitheater where it's shady. We were the first ones there and everything was dandy.

Than people started coming....

And some people sat in front of Isaac where he really, really, really wanted to put his feet.
Mr. B tried to help make things better, but he just could not sit still, be quiet, or any of that.

So...a few minutes into the show (which started late and waiting for Isaac is....well...not his best skill), Mr. B carried him back to his wheelchair and walked around till the show was over.

Okay, but, remember, we are a family and we are here together and we are going to have fun...

Ha, but really we were having fun. All this was just typical Isaac stuff and we had help, so we were still enjoying the treats and the show, etc.

After the magic show, the kids wanted to go on the blow up toys and slides. Well, Isaac really wanted to go on this one that Millie went on. It wasn't really the best for him...

This is where the fun really begins.

Bless Mr. B's heart.

He took Isaac into the blow up thing. Now, this was no easy task. Mr. B had to lift Isaac up and into this hole and then go through an obstacle course thing with him.
Now, mind you, Mr. B is not big, but he is in his twenties and not exactly meant for that course.

But he was on a mission.

So I decide to wait at the end of the slide of this big blow up obstacle course thing. I'm talking to some old friends and waiting...

I get my camera ready to get Isaac coming down the slide and waiting...

I see Millie coming down for the third time and wonder where they are....I'm still waiting...

I talk to my friends and laugh about how I am still waiting for Isaac...

Then I look over and see Mr. B desperately trying to get my attention towards the middle of the obstacle course.

I run over, leaving my friends mid-sentence, and help Mr. B get Isaac out of the course. I set Isaac down by me and see him running towards Jeremy.

Mr. B quickly explains he couldn't get Isaac up to the slide part because

A) It was too hard for Isaac's gross motor skills
B) Mr. B was making the whole thing go down with his weight and
C) It was hard for any kid to get up, let alone a grown man sinking in blow up toys carrying a flailing string bean!

We laugh about it and he goes about trying to get out of the blow up thing himself...I'm still not sure how he did that....

I walk back to Jeremy, Eliza, and Mr. B's wife. Millie is still going around and down the slide over and over.

I don't see Isaac anywhere. 

I ask Jeremy, "Where's Isaac?"

He tells me, "I don't know, I never saw him"

"I thought he came right over here!"

PANIC

I start looking around like a mad woman on a mission. I'm scouring the crowd left and right.

Nothing.

I go back to the blow up course and look in to see if somehow he got back in and was jumping around.

Nothing.

I have no idea where my son is. My son with Fragile X Syndrome that
can't talk
has no awareness of danger
and is alone in a crowd

I go towards the back of the blow up course and realize that it is bordering a river. A RIVER!
A rapidly moving, deep river that can swallow a child whole.

"Dear Heavenly Father, please no. Please no." I think and silently pray. Though the words were nothing near to silent in my mind and I'm sure I was moving my mouth or whispering.

I quickly scanned the part of the river I could see.

no, please no.

Then I notice an area with a lot of kids gathered close and where there is no brush or trees. It's a steep slope or more like a drop off. I ran to it and looked down, expecting to see Isaac.

Nothing.

I looked around at the people nearby and noticed they had no alarm, and I figured Isaac would turn some heads.
I felt he wasn't in the river.

I went back to where Jeremy had been standing. Mr. B and his wife had found Isaac near the entrance of the blow up course. We grabbed him and put him back in his wheelchair to go to a more simple blow up attraction with no need to climb, just bounce!

As we were getting Isaac in his seat and talking, I looked to find Jeremy.
I found him with Eliza in one arm, looking up and down the river.

He didn't know we had found Isaac.

He had the same thoughts I had.

My heart ached and I hurried to tell him we'd found Isaac safe.

I know that this happens to so many children, especially autistic ones that have no clue of danger.

I am so grateful that Isaac was safe.

Bolting is a serious thing. He really does need that wheelchair.

Long story short (oh wait, this is already long...oops), Isaac had fun in the bounce house, we ate more junk food, and then Isaac started hitting himself, so we had to call it a night with Millie crying about not getting her face painted after we waited in line.

I feel bad that she doesn't get to do a lot of things because of her siblings. But that's for another post.

Thanks for reading!

All for a piece of cheese and a Pediasure

The other day Isaac came to me and showed me he wanted a Pediasure. I put one in his sippy cup, put in on the counter, and went outside to finish a project.

When a came in a few minutes later he was having a meltdown on the floor.

I couldn't figure out what had brought this on. I quickly carried him to his room-his safe place- to calm down. Luckily, I was still calm at that moment. I went into his room, even though he hadn't totally calmed down, and talked to him.

I asked  him what he wanted, giving him options. He said something that sounded like cheese and I said, "You want some cheese?" He stopped crying and whispered his repeated "Yeah, yeah." I walked to the kitchen and got him some cheese. I took it to his room and sat on his bed blown away that all he had wanted was a piece of cheese. It hit me how frustrating it is for him not to be able to speak or be independent in such things.

When I went back to the kitchen I saw the Pediasure still sitting on the counter.

He thought I hadn't got it for him.

He thought I didn't understand, or that I was ignoring his request.

That was the reason for the melt down.

I brought him his Pediasure, trying to explain I had gotten it for him and set it on the counter. He gratefully took the sippy cup and downed it. He was totally fine after that.
Poor guy. I would be frustrated, too if no one understood me.