Sunday: The Day of Rest?

It's Sunday. The Sabbath day. And for many of us moms  out there, it is not the day of rest so much as it is the day of stress, meetings, flying cheerios, and crying (not just the kids).

Now, don't get me wrong. When I was a young adult and Relief Society President I really liked Sundays! I got to flirt with boys, wear jewelry and cute clothes, study, and keep up on lessons. Now?

Well, now I have a husband cuter and more amazing than any guy I could've found in college, and yet I find myself getting angry when he can't read my mind Sunday morning.

The bag needs to be packed with snacks and drinks. Why are you napping?

Somebody's poopy. Do you smell that? I'm going to just walk away and wait for you to figure it out...you didn't smell it. Fine.

Why am I getting everyone dressed? I'm not dressed. You are dressed.

So while I'm thinking hypocritical thoughts and getting angry that once again my oldest daughter has lost her shoe  in her messy room I've asked her to clean a million times, I'm wondering if I read my scriptures this morning.

Nope.

I had to get medicine for Isaac, medicine for me, breakfast for the kids on fast Sunday, and whatever else my morning is filled with that makes me late for one o'clock church (sad but true).

And as for jewelry these days? The less, the better. It usually ends up being a baby toy within minutes anyway and then later in the repair shop (aka my kitchen or messy drawer) for months.

And clothes? Any dress or skirt that isn't touching my ankles is likely to give someone a free show of my underwear. It just happens. You pick up a child and your skirt goes with it. Or one tug on your skirt from a toddler and it's over.

So today?

Wonder of wonders, Miracle of Miracles!

Although it didn't start out the best, church was a blessing.


First, Isaac got through Sacrament meeting (out in the foyer) without a tablet and only one moment of escape. Then, he went to the Primary room. This is a new thing and today our helper, Gayle, stayed with him instead of Jeremy.

Then Jeremy and I decided to try and take Eliza to nursery. I've taken her a few times and stayed with her but this time she stayed without me the whole time. I got to go to classes-it was weird! 

When I came out of Relief Society, our last class of the 3-hour block, I found Isaac still in his wheelchair of comfort happy as can be.

The teachers put his class downstairs so that he could go in his chair. Gayle took him there and, according to his teachers, he folded his arms and did what the other kids were doing. I was shocked. I think they were surprised as well.

My favorite thing I heard is that he called some little stuffed buffalo the teachers brought for the lesson a puppy. So now they are going to bring it each week he comes to class. It makes me smile how he loves dogs. Puppy is one word he says regularly that everyone understands.

Needless to say, I came away from church today on a cloud. Isaac actually stayed the whole three hours and did good. I don't remember the last time that happened. It gives me hope. I just hope it lasts!

New School for Isaac

Guess what!

More and more as Isaac grows I realize how much Heavenly Father loves him. 

Things fall into place, people come into his life, and opportunities arise.

Most recently, his preschool teacher called me Friday morning and told me there was an opportunity for Isaac.

This is the day Isaac picked out his first outfit ever. If you can't tell, he is sporting red, black, and white plaid shorts with a bright orange shark shirt. I was so proud he picked them himself! AND that morning he was trying to put shorts on by himself. Granted, they were dirty ones from his laundry basket and he had both legs in one leg hole, but it was still cool.

He was supposed to start at the same school with the same teacher on Wednesday. 

However, after meeting that day with several teachers and coordinators, I found out that Isaac will now be starting at an all-day preschool where there are only eight children accepted. Here are some things I'm excited about:

• Each child has one on one time with a certified, trained individual all day as well as the regular special ed teacher 

• His time with speech, occupational, and physical therapists will now be significantly more

• ABA therapy (I know it doesn't work for everyone, but we will see) and behavior assistance  

• Potty training program (all children from the class last year were potty trained by the end of the school year!) 

This is a new sensory thing we started doing more often! Shaving cream in the bathtub with nothin' but a diaper on never felt so good. He loves it! I can't wait to see what they have available at his new school.

• Assessments to spot the “holes” in his development, then the use of specific programs to help fill those holes.

•  More sensory! Plus they have some awesome equipment inside the classroom and on the playground.

I am really hoping to see some great improvements over the course of the year with Isaac. Let's cross our fingers and pray!

He is definitely school ready! He put his shoes on by himself!!! I don't even care they are on the wrong feet! Look at that!:) It's the little things. Can't wait to see what else he'll surprise me with this year.

New dog!

Hey it's been awhile-did you miss me? What, you didn't miss all the dog drama around here? Cuz if you did, I've got more!

Actually it's not so much good drama as it is great news!

Despite my last post of saying what our decision was, I flip-flopped A LOT. But I will save you that background story. In the end we stuck with our decision.

You know, the one I already felt good about but doubted and got all confused again? Yeah, that's the one.

And might I just add a little reminder here for myself, regarding both Roxy and Daisy and everything we went through to get where we are now:

Doctrine and Covenants section 6:

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.

"Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?"

So yes, considering the rightness I felt in getting both Roxy and Daisy, given we didn't want one dog to begin with, we now have two dogs to fulfill two purposes.

Oh, and without further adeu, here's Isaac’s official service dog, Daisy, AKA Roxy’s sista from anotha mista. She is a purebred black Labrador. She is 8 months old, so only one month older than Roxy.

Roxy is on the left. Daisy is on the right. I didn't get many pictures of her
because she was only with us a few days before going to training.

Daisy licks you to death and isn't nippy at all. She jumps up on everyone all the time, but never barks. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't pee every time a new person comes (like someone I know;) She is small, but has a lot of power and energy (just like Isaac). And most importantly...drum roll please...she isn't scared of people!

You guys, I've learned a lot about service dogs and the business surrounding them through this crazy journey. I'd say the most important thing in finding a service dog is their temperament. I know, it seems like a no brainer, but it's true.

Now, even saying that, we love Roxy and her temperament-as a family dog.

I know that many who have met Roxy think she is "psycho," as one person lovingly put it, but she is a sweet, tender-hearted, cuddly puppy. Because Daisy will be solely for Isaac, it will be nice to have a dog that Jeremy can take camping and hiking, one I can cuddle up on the couch with, and one Millie and Eliza can love as well.

Another bonus is that the two dogs get their energy out playing with each other. I don't have to entertain Roxy so much, so it makes some things easier. played with each other and it wore Roxy out. She also was let nippy. I think it will be good for them to have a friend.

There are some small concerns with Daisy, like her smaller size, since Isaac will get much bigger. She also tends to run when she does get scared, which is rare. This is an issue with tethering. This is when Isaac is tethered to her. If she bolts, it wouldn't be good! But we are continuing with training and it looks like most of it will be here at home so that she gets a lot of interaction with Isaac.

This also means I have a new part-time job for the next four months, so we will see how that goes....

But I am hopeful that this is all going to work out. I don't want to go looking for another dog! But don't worry, we wouldn't keep three dogs!

I'm just happy to be moving forward and am excited to see how things work out.

Different trials, Same Heart, One Healer

There are these trials that people go through that nobody desires to go through. They are "Big" trials. The "hardest" trials. Death, disability, cancer, war, etc.

Everyone has trials. That's just life. 

I've found that since I have an obvious trial (special needs children) that people often compare their lives and trials to mine. 

I know of those that have/had cancer that were in the same boat.

But I really like what a friend of mine posted on Facebook recently:

           Just your random reminder that being blessed with opportunities others might not                  have doesn't mean you aren't allowed to complain or be frustrated or sad about them              occasionally. Pain is pain and it doesn't matter if someone else "has it worse" or that                you're "so lucky to even have the chance". Let's support each other and not compare,                shall we?  -Jess N.





I really liked this, especially because it came to me on a day that I was feeling like, "You know what? I shouldn't be feeling this way! There are people in 3rd world countries starving and others in war zones." 

And although it's true that I could have a much harder life, I don't think we need to discount out own hard things. (However, I don't believe in feeling sorry for yourself all the time).

It's normal to feel like life is hard sometimes. 

It's okay to feel down in the dumps sometimes because of the things you are going through. 

What's key is not to stay down in the dumps.

Just remember, we all have different lives, circumstances, and problems. Instead of judging others on how they handle things, just be willing to help them through. Even when something seems small to you, it could be devastating to them.

I have had wonderful people all around me, especially my mom, who have helped me threw the tough things. Like when Roxy came back home, she left this sign on my front door with balloons and goodies.

And when I found out Eliza has Fragile X Syndrome, she through a little party at my house celebrating the news, instead of mourning the loss. It made a huge difference.

We can make a huge difference in the lives of others just by being kind and helpful during a difficult time in their life.

We all have different trials that range all across the scale, but we all have hearts that can be wounded; hearts that can be healed.

I'm thankful for the One that can heal all broken hearts and painful experiences. The One that can get us through a bad hair day or a year of terrible tragedies. That One is Christ.

Without my Savior, I would be lost. He got me through times I never thought I'd be able to get through. He brought peace to my heart when I felt peace impossible.

"And I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has delivered me from prison, and from bonds, and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me." -Alma 36:27

Life is hard so that we can prove ourselves here on this earth. Trials are part of the plan of happiness. We cannot know true happiness if we have never experienced sadness, pain, heartache, and despair.

So although I have wished my own trials would just go away, I like to remember that all of it will work for my good, will make me a better person, will help me be more understanding and loving towards others, and will bring me closer to Christ. 

Find something-just one thing- good in your life. 
See the humor in daily living that can make you laugh and bring joy for just a moment

This just goes to show you that being weird helps me cope lol

Life is hard, so let's help each other out! 
You can do this!

Eliza's Big News

I know I mostly talk about Isaac (or the dog), but I do have other children!;) Eliza also has Fragile X Syndrome, but seems to be further a head than Isaac was. In fact, I can officially say that...drum roll please....

ELIZA IS WALKING!!

She isn't even 18 months yet. She's such a *Rock Star*

Besides having FXS, she also has a possible lazy eye and astigmatism. I'm surprised she can walk as well as she does.

When walking, she has to put her belly first to balance things out or else she'll topple over.

I have to giggle at her belly-it's so big and round! 

I think she ate as much dirt as watermelon that day.

The other day she ate four waffles. She eats a bowl of oatmeal plus more for breakfast. Oh, and she loves sweets. Heaven help us!

We joke that we will have to put a lock on the fridge when she gets older...

We love our sweet little Eliza. She brings such joy! I am so happy we have her.

Dating Costs Less Than Divorce

I know, I said it! The "D" word: DIVORCE.

No, Jeremy and I are NOT getting a divorce. And one reason why is because we DATE.

Talking about Divorce

This is my phone background:)

When I went to BYU I had the opportunity to combine my background in journalism and my new study of Human Development/Family Studies. I worked with a professor that was building up a new website for those thinking about divorce. I wrote several articles, including a three part series about how divorce is more common in families with special needs children.

-It's hard!
-There's no time for you, let alone your spouse
-Your child requires so much time, money, mental effort, etc. that it is hard to have anything left for your spouse.

Because I have two children with special needs I've always worried that maybe that disqualifies me from a happy, long-term marriage, but that's not true! And this is why I loved researching about divorce:
- I found hope that it doesn't have to happen to me
- I learned so much about what it means to have a happy marriage
- There is fabulous research, especially by Gottman. He is the true love doctor! You can learn about the Four Horseman he discovered here and more.

Here is a link to the website and my article. Check out the website for some excellent information. If you are thinking about divorce or want to gain knowledge about what a healthy marriage is, this is a great website backed by great research.

Talking about Dates

Sometimes our silliest, most spontaneous dates are more fun and memorable than ones that are all planned out and cost a lot.

One of my favorite dates was going to the local dollar store. 
We decided to buy three different gifts (you can do as many as you want):
1) Something useful
2) Something funny (we thought we would do something not totally off the wall that was still somewhat useful, but you can choose. I'd personally rather have a mug that says, "Bacon is the reason I get up in the morning" over a can of fart goo. But to each his own).
3) Something yummy

For something useful, I got Jeremy some seeds to plant because he loves planting and growing anything! Jeremy got me a kitchen utensil. The dollar store actually has some decent ones for a buck.

For something funny, Jeremy got me the romantic mug I mentioned above. Ha ha. I got him a grabber dohickey to pick up things while you are still standing up. That, my friends, was epic.

For a treat, I gave him some off-brand of those Little Debbie brownies with sprinkles on top. He loves sweets. And he got me a bag of Reasons. Those have sentimental value for me. When he was just home from his mission he stopped by my apartment at  USU and gave me Reasons, then told me that there is always a "reason" to stop by. It was so cheesy romantic and cute!

Now, if I were to do this date again I would either change the treat part or carefully check the merchandise, because both were super hard treats! Ha, but we ate them anyway!

That was a really memorable date and so simple. Definitely a budget friendly one, too!

Last night's date was wonderful
We have been very blessed to have supported living for Isaac that makes it possible to go on dates regularly and for more than just an hour!

Jeremy had been gone most of the week for work, so I was really looking forward to going on a date. We had a few ideas of what to do, but we decided we would go out to dinner. One of our go-tos is Olive Garden. Classic. They have yummy breadsticks that you just can't pass up! Dinner was great and all, but the real fun came after.

We decided to find a mountain trail we could leisurely walk. We came upon an area we had been before, but found a different trail head we had no idea was there. So we took it!

It was a short trail that lead to an open spot with a great view over the valley. There were benches to sit on, too.

We just talked and looked at the sky. Jeremy pointed out venus and we talked the stars, our kids, and everything in between. Jeremy has always been easy to talk to. It's nice:)

We were about to go when Jeremy said he wanted to check out the side of the mountain that had some purple rock. I don't know why, but we were there for like an hour looking at the different colors of rock and talking about it. I felt like such a nerd! They were actually quite beautiful.

Long story short, I felt like we were an engaged couple again. I love my Jeremy

Oh yeah, look at that pose:)

Our Decision, A Funny Story, and Blessings

Well, today as I was talking to Jeremy, everything seemed so simple. We are going to keep Roxy and we are moving forward with getting a service dog for Isaac. The trainers have not yet found one that they feel is right for Isaac, but I am looking forward to meeting this future dog (most likely a Labrador).  That's the course we have decided to take for now.

Here is why I'm feeling blessed today (well, at least some of the reasons):

           1) Roxy is doing so much better already! 
I was expecting weeks of the coughing and barf, runny nose, lethargy, and sad eyes. But as of today, she is doing so much better. She actually ran around a little, ate some plain rice, chewed on a stick, and played a bit. It was so sad seeing her so sick. I didn't know dogs could be that way. 

Just in case you've never seen a dog with a runny nose...

Night time cuddles

Millie helping Roxy feel better with a blankie

Eliza thinks Roxy is funny

           2) Roxy learned a lot in one week
So, as Roxy has been getting better I've noticed a few things. 
First, she is way more obedient than she used to be. 
perfect, mind you, but wow I never knew a week could do so much. 
Second, she actually did pick up on some of the service dog things. The sad thing is, she doesn't do it for Isaac-she does it for me, though! I think it is because Isaac has a hard time showing affection softly. She needs lots of cuddles, scratches, and pets. We've had some tender moments the past few days:) So far I've noticed she will kind of come on my lap or put her paw up when I say lap (that's from learning deep pressure/anxiety stuff) and interruption of self harm by licking. This is a video of me trying to reenact, but it's not very good when she was dead asleep when I woke her, but you get the picture. Also something you can't see is her putting her paw on my lap. And don't mind me lol.

                        ***Funny story here. I actually found out about the self harm interruption when I was getting really frustrated changing a nasty poopy bum on Isaac. It got on my fingers and I just started dry heaving (I know, you'd think I'd be used to it by now, but sometimes it just gets me). I was pretty frustrated, too, because Isaac was in his giggly moods, touching his poo, etc. Well, Roxy come up between us and looks at me. I thought she was just going to try and get his poopy diaper like she used to and she was being super annoying. I was about to tell her to go away when she just started licking my face like crazy. I'm thinking, okay love ya too but seriously? But it dawned on me-is this her trying to help?
                              So later I tried to pretend to hit myself, shake my head, and moan. She immediately came and started licking my face. I tried it a few more times to make sure it wasn't just in my head. Nope, it's legit! How cool is that! Although, I don't think I'll use it...unless I'm changing another one of Isaac's poopy diapers. Ha! Come to think of it, it did get me out of my angry funk. Way to go, Roxy!***

         3) I feel at peace

As I'm sure you noticed, my last post I was so not in a good place. And, maybe this sounds funny, but I really believe many people-many of you-have been praying for us and thinking about us. I feel it. I didn't realize it at first, but now I see it in how quickly Roxy is healing, how my husband and I were able to make a decision both of us are okay with, and not having overwhelming feelings sadness, embarrassment, or confusion. 
I mean, I guess I still am a little embarrassed about some things, and I don't fully understand all of this, but overall? A feeling of love and peace. Even over this silly dog thing! Even when there are way worse things going on everywhere. He cares for little ole me. I've also felt the love and friendship from my friends and readers.

I feel like Jeremy and I just beg for more craziness in our life, but I look forward to this next chapter.

Service dog woes

Sigh. I know I'm not supposed to ask this question because it gets you nowhere, but, seriously?

WHY?!

Okay let me step back. I feel like I have to explain myself in hopes that maybe everyone won't think I'm an idiot. Pardon my French.

Special needs mom's and all moms understand that you want to do anything you can for your child.

And often times you don't feel like you are doing enough.

And if you struggle with depression and anxiety, like I do, it compounds the problem. And sometimes you make dumb decisions.

So at a low spot I got desperate. Desperate to help my son and desperate to help me. It sounded like a great idea. We didn't have any help at the time, and I was scraping to find something, anything to help us. I looked more into getting a service dog.

I'm not so sure about that now.

But, as Elder Wirthlin once said, “perseverance means to continue in a given course until we have reached a goal or objective, regardless of obstacles, opposition, and other counter influences.”

So that's what I've been trying to do, but nothing has been working out.

Jeremy reminded me of the poem President Monson once shared that says, "Stick to your task till it sticks to you..." But now I have to ask, what if you stuck to the wrong task?

So, months ago I had contemplated getting a service dog. I finally moved forward with a company called SDWR. Shortly after I got things rolling, trying to raise a whopping $25,000, I discovered that they were bogus and I pulled our quickly after, but not without losing money that was given to us by a few faithful friends.

Failure. Embarrassment. I kept going.

Next, my sister-in-law came upon a woman who decided to train Giant Schnauzers with no cost for those in need. We met with her and were first on the list to get a dog in December. But when Isaac met the dogs they didn't mesh. The more I researched, the more I realized this wouldn't make the best service dog for our situation.

Sorry and feeling awkward for not actually going that way.

I continued looking for other options and came upon Ty the Dog Guy. I thought I'd go with this option if I found the right dog. I heard labradoodles were a good option. Well, I came upon one on KSL and everything worked like clock work to get this little puppy. 

That's Roxy.

I'd never had a puppy in my life and it was SO hard. She ate everything, peed on the floor, and I'm trying to take care of my three kids, which is a task in itself.

We got her at 9 weeks and we thought she had Parvo. 

Expensive vet bill. Luckily it wasn't Parvo, though. But we thought we would lose this little puppy.

We paid to get her fixed, vaccinated, licensed, etc.

We took her to a great vet and paid a lot of money we don't really have.

But it was all because it was going to be what was best for Isaac.

Speed forward till Roxy is now seven months. We sadly drop her off at the service dog training facility knowing we will not see her for weeks. 

Well, it was actually only one.

We got a call a few days after she was there saying that she may not be cut out for service dog work. I wanted to yell and cry at the same time.

I picked her up on the 24th of July to come home defeated. I couldn't help but cry all the way home.

When we got her home I noticed she was shedding WAY more than usual. She was coughing and vomiting, sleeping all the time, not eating like usual, and having troubles going to the bathroom. 

Turns out somebody decided that they would bring their dog for boarding at the facility and not tell anyone the dog had kennel cough till after they picked her up. 

Thanks. Thank a lot. (Sorry for the sarcasm, but it makes me mad:( ).

So I had to take Roxy to the vet today. She needs antibiotics, probiotics, etc. Another bill for a dog that isn't cut out for the purpose we bought her for (but who we still love).

Not to mention, the training week was really hard on her and now she is more timid and scared. She is a really sensitive dog, which made training difficult even when they tried to take it slow. So I hope she is still okay once all this sickness is over.

Now we have to make a choice.

Do we keep her and get a service dog, too?
Do we get rid of her and get a service dog the trainers choose?
Do we get rid of her or keep her and give everyone their money back with out tail tucked between out legs and move on?

What in the world am I supposed to learn from this?

I feel frustrated, confused, embarrassed, angry, sad, stupid, just to name a few.
Not to mention that this past weekend has been a whirlwind without all the Roxy stuff.

If nothing else, I guess I am supposed to learn humility in front of the whole world while many are out there saying, "I told you so."

Well, I don't know what to do right now. I have no stubbornness or pride left on this subject. 

On the bright side, since first going on this journey to get a service dog many things have changed for Isaac and our family.

First, we now have Blake and other opportunities to get respite and supported living to help Isaac get out in the community, get one on one time for extra help in learning new skills, and more.

Second, he now has a behaviorist that is aiding us in helping with self harm, potty training, and aggression. Nothing to report on yet, but I always hope.

Third, we are trying new medicine with Isaac. We have found one that has helped his anxiety in public situations and are currently working on helping him with the ADHD. Medication can be so hard. Believe me, it's not the easy way out. And yes, we have tried oils and other things.

So, dog or not, God loves Isaac and will continue to help us help him.

Kirsten, signing out.


"A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed a hopeless failure may turn into a glorious success. … There is no defeat except within, no really insurmountable barrier save one’s own inherent weakness of purpose"

"the question of why Job, or anyone, might suffer pain and sorrow, but does state clearly that affliction is not necessarily a sign of God’s anger and a punishment for sin, as Job’s friends told him. The book suggests that affliction, if not for punishment, may be for experience, discipline, and instruction"

(Okay, so I don't have it as bad as Job and this is not that big of a deal and will pass, and maybe I'm dramatic, but....)

 Remaining faithful to the Lord through his indescribable sorrow and suffering, Job was able to say, “Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him. … He also shall be my salvation. … For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth … yet in my flesh shall I see God” (Job 13:15–16; Job 19:25–26).