Service dog woes

Sigh. I know I'm not supposed to ask this question because it gets you nowhere, but, seriously?

WHY?!

Okay let me step back. I feel like I have to explain myself in hopes that maybe everyone won't think I'm an idiot. Pardon my French.

Special needs mom's and all moms understand that you want to do anything you can for your child.

And often times you don't feel like you are doing enough.

And if you struggle with depression and anxiety, like I do, it compounds the problem. And sometimes you make dumb decisions.

So at a low spot I got desperate. Desperate to help my son and desperate to help me. It sounded like a great idea. We didn't have any help at the time, and I was scraping to find something, anything to help us. I looked more into getting a service dog.

I'm not so sure about that now.

But, as Elder Wirthlin once said, “perseverance means to continue in a given course until we have reached a goal or objective, regardless of obstacles, opposition, and other counter influences.”

So that's what I've been trying to do, but nothing has been working out.

Jeremy reminded me of the poem President Monson once shared that says, "Stick to your task till it sticks to you..." But now I have to ask, what if you stuck to the wrong task?

So, months ago I had contemplated getting a service dog. I finally moved forward with a company called SDWR. Shortly after I got things rolling, trying to raise a whopping $25,000, I discovered that they were bogus and I pulled our quickly after, but not without losing money that was given to us by a few faithful friends.

Failure. Embarrassment. I kept going.

Next, my sister-in-law came upon a woman who decided to train Giant Schnauzers with no cost for those in need. We met with her and were first on the list to get a dog in December. But when Isaac met the dogs they didn't mesh. The more I researched, the more I realized this wouldn't make the best service dog for our situation.

Sorry and feeling awkward for not actually going that way.

I continued looking for other options and came upon Ty the Dog Guy. I thought I'd go with this option if I found the right dog. I heard labradoodles were a good option. Well, I came upon one on KSL and everything worked like clock work to get this little puppy. 

That's Roxy.

I'd never had a puppy in my life and it was SO hard. She ate everything, peed on the floor, and I'm trying to take care of my three kids, which is a task in itself.

We got her at 9 weeks and we thought she had Parvo. 

Expensive vet bill. Luckily it wasn't Parvo, though. But we thought we would lose this little puppy.

We paid to get her fixed, vaccinated, licensed, etc.

We took her to a great vet and paid a lot of money we don't really have.

But it was all because it was going to be what was best for Isaac.

Speed forward till Roxy is now seven months. We sadly drop her off at the service dog training facility knowing we will not see her for weeks. 

Well, it was actually only one.

We got a call a few days after she was there saying that she may not be cut out for service dog work. I wanted to yell and cry at the same time.

I picked her up on the 24th of July to come home defeated. I couldn't help but cry all the way home.

When we got her home I noticed she was shedding WAY more than usual. She was coughing and vomiting, sleeping all the time, not eating like usual, and having troubles going to the bathroom. 

Turns out somebody decided that they would bring their dog for boarding at the facility and not tell anyone the dog had kennel cough till after they picked her up. 

Thanks. Thank a lot. (Sorry for the sarcasm, but it makes me mad:( ).

So I had to take Roxy to the vet today. She needs antibiotics, probiotics, etc. Another bill for a dog that isn't cut out for the purpose we bought her for (but who we still love).

Not to mention, the training week was really hard on her and now she is more timid and scared. She is a really sensitive dog, which made training difficult even when they tried to take it slow. So I hope she is still okay once all this sickness is over.

Now we have to make a choice.

Do we keep her and get a service dog, too?
Do we get rid of her and get a service dog the trainers choose?
Do we get rid of her or keep her and give everyone their money back with out tail tucked between out legs and move on?

What in the world am I supposed to learn from this?

I feel frustrated, confused, embarrassed, angry, sad, stupid, just to name a few.
Not to mention that this past weekend has been a whirlwind without all the Roxy stuff.

If nothing else, I guess I am supposed to learn humility in front of the whole world while many are out there saying, "I told you so."

Well, I don't know what to do right now. I have no stubbornness or pride left on this subject. 

On the bright side, since first going on this journey to get a service dog many things have changed for Isaac and our family.

First, we now have Blake and other opportunities to get respite and supported living to help Isaac get out in the community, get one on one time for extra help in learning new skills, and more.

Second, he now has a behaviorist that is aiding us in helping with self harm, potty training, and aggression. Nothing to report on yet, but I always hope.

Third, we are trying new medicine with Isaac. We have found one that has helped his anxiety in public situations and are currently working on helping him with the ADHD. Medication can be so hard. Believe me, it's not the easy way out. And yes, we have tried oils and other things.

So, dog or not, God loves Isaac and will continue to help us help him.

Kirsten, signing out.


"A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed a hopeless failure may turn into a glorious success. … There is no defeat except within, no really insurmountable barrier save one’s own inherent weakness of purpose"

"the question of why Job, or anyone, might suffer pain and sorrow, but does state clearly that affliction is not necessarily a sign of God’s anger and a punishment for sin, as Job’s friends told him. The book suggests that affliction, if not for punishment, may be for experience, discipline, and instruction"

(Okay, so I don't have it as bad as Job and this is not that big of a deal and will pass, and maybe I'm dramatic, but....)

 Remaining faithful to the Lord through his indescribable sorrow and suffering, Job was able to say, “Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him. … He also shall be my salvation. … For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth … yet in my flesh shall I see God” (Job 13:15–16; Job 19:25–26).