Special Needs Panel Discussion Thoughts
I have been looking forward to the disabilities
section in my parent and child guidance class since I first began. However, as
the day approached I found out that the parent of the autistic child would not
be attending. I was bummed. The other woman had a child with only a physical
disability, not a cognitive disability.
I may have even been prideful, especially when my
husband called out as I left to class, maybe you can teach THEM something and
we laughed thinking yeah, what can I learn?
When I got to class I was nothing but surprised.
First, I was surprised at the overwhelming anxiety I had over it. Everyone in
that classroom knew that I have a child with special needs, FXS to be specific.
I just felt like they were all thinking about that, especially when they talked
about divorce rates being high, depression, grief, etc. I didn’t want anyone to
look at me, because (except for the divorce part) I felt like I had a sign on
my forehead and a flashing light saying “Hey, look! This is an open book about
me!”
When people know things about me I feel vulnerable.
I feel that they will look down on me, see me as less, talk about me, feel bad
for me, be disappointed, or expose my deepest fears and failures. Obviously, I’ve
changed, but it’s still there. I had a few experience in the past that taught
me this way of thinking, unfortunately. (Not from my parents, thankfully!)
Anyway, I had to pray to overcome this, even though
all I wanted to do was run out of the room and forget about this whole ordeal.
But I knew I had to stay. I knew it would be good for me, even more so than for
all the other people in the class.
So I stayed. I connected with the mothers. I felt
their pain and joy. I understood. I could put myself in each situation. I’d
been there. I’ve thought of the things they had: missions, retirement with a
cruising buddy, etc.
I ended up crying at one point pretty good. There
was no use keeping it back anymore. It was when one of the surprise panel
members talked about her child that is in a wheelchair, he is three and still
needs to be fed, he can’t hear hardly anything, and he can’t talk. She had three
children before and one after this son.
Afterwards I thanked the two women and said hi to
each of their sons. I explained that I have a child with FXS. I asked how the
one woman had courage enough to have another child after her special needs son
came along and how she does it with five kids! Whew. Long story short they had
heard about the Parade of Pumpkins, one knew my sister, Rachael, and it was a
good talk. McKade even had a crush on Rachael’s daughter at Kids Who Count. Ha,
so funny. I wish we could go to Kids Who Count. Sigh….anyway.
Dr. Nelson asked me to come back on the panel. I
said I would be happy to but give me more time so that I’m not sobbing the
whole way through. He said it was okay to cryJ And then I said
I’d bring my sister along with me. I don’t know when that will be, but I think
it will be especially beneficial to his class to see one closer to their age,
one who has taken the class, etc. Plus, not many understand FXS so it will be
another avenue to get things out, advocate, even talk about the Parade of
Pumpkins!:)
I also found in me an even deeper desire to do a
minor in communication disorders or ASL. I would love it. Anyway, when all was
said and done I walked away elated. I had friends that understood. We could
empathize, not just sympathize! Amazing. I have many different support groups
and access to others, but this was different, especially to see that all
special needs and disabilities have the same feelings, grieving cycles, etc.
And this? It's a picture. Random. Just thought I'd break up all that text. Whew. Totally worth it, right? HAHAHA
